


I'll Put You Back on Solid Ground

by kylix



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Biting, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, M/M, the cursing's not that bad but anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2082417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylix/pseuds/kylix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide thinks he finally has a grip on Kaneki again, though his efforts to hold onto him may just be everything Kaneki has feared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Put You Back on Solid Ground

**Author's Note:**

> This is set at some point after the Aogiri Arc, but honestly it doesn't really fit in anywhere. I also don't remember if Kaneki's okay with eating humans or not so uh if I'm wrong about it then oops. 
> 
> This was also supposed to be short and silly, but a friend started skyping me halfway through writing it, and we talked about all these awful things that could happen to these two, so it became very angsty. Apologies.

The first time Kaneki bit Hide, he got a knee to the gut. It hadn't hurt, precisely, but it stung because he'd been unprepared for it. Hide was also an athletic sort of guy, so the blow hadn't been a weak one.

“Ah! Shit, sorry! Kaneki, are you okay?”

Kaneki had fallen from the bed, doubled over on the floor. His kakugan had formed and his breathing was uneven. He nodded. “Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine.”

“The fuck'd you bite me for, anyway?” Hide craned his neck to get a look at his shoulder. Kaneki's teeth had barely broken skin, but thin drops of blood welled up from the wound. “Fish are friends, not food.”

“You're not a fish. And you're not food.” The last part was probably directed at himself. Kaneki grabbed his shirt from the floor and pressed it against Hide's shoulder. “Hold this there. I'll get the first aid kit.”

Hide nodded and leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed. Kaneki left the room before the smell of blood could tempt him more and fought down the hunger as he padded to the living room. The first aid kit was on the end table by the couch. He grabbed it and returned to his bedroom. Hide was still leaning against the wall, naked but for his briefs. His pants had been bunched at his ankles but he'd kicked them off while Kaneki had gone to the living room. He lifted Kaneki's shirt to get another look at the wound.

“It's not bleeding too bad,” he reported when he saw Kaneki enter the room.

Kaneki looked at the patches of blood on his shirt. He could smell it. He shoved the first aid kit at Hide and took back his shirt. “I'm sorry, Hide.” His hands shook.

Hide sighed. “It's... I don't want to say it's fine, because it was really scary, but I understand.” He smiled at Kaneki warmly. “But really, it's fine.”

“I'll get the blood off this.” Kaneki cleared his throat and exited the room once again. The smell was intoxicating. He stumbled into the bathroom and filled the sink with cold water. He lifted the shirt and looked down at the splotches of red on it. He stood there, frozen, for several moments. This was exactly what he'd been afraid of.

Fish are friends, not food.

But it was only a bit of blood on a shirt. Ghoul meat tasted awful, for all the power it gave him. Just a taste couldn't--

Kaneki glanced up and saw himself in the mirror. His left eye was stark black and red, and there was a bit of saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth. He hardly looked human. He swallowed.

If he didn't hurry, it'd stain.

Kaneki shoved the shirt under the faucet before he could do anything else and felt something rush out of him as he watched some of the blood lift away with the water. He held the shirt there for a few minutes before grabbing the bar of soap and rubbing it where blood had soaked the fabric. More of the blood washed away. Soon, most of it was gone. Kaneki wrung the excess water from the shirt and turned off the tap. He tossed the shirt into the laundry basket and braced his hands against the counter. He wanted to vomit.

“Kaneki?”

He turned his head and saw Hide standing a couple steps back from the doorway, the first aid kit in his hands. The wound hadn't been deep, but it'd been too large for a band-aid, so Hide had put a piece of gauze over it and secured it with tape. The faintest bit of pink was starting to seep through. Something caught in Kaneki's throat at the sight of it.

“Hide, I'm so sorry.”

“I told you, it's fine.” Hide made to take a step forward but stopped when Kaneki flinched. “I mean, I get it. You're a ghoul, or half, in any case. I'm a human. It's what it is.”

“I shouldn't have done it.”

“You can't help it.”

“God help me, I can help it!” Kaneki whirled to face him, and this time it was Hide's turn to flinch. The sick feeling in Kaneki's stomach deepened. “Fuck. I'm sorry, Hide.”

Hide laughed, but it sounded half-hearted. “Well, it seems you learned your lesson.” His expression turned serious and he leaned forward, careful not to actually take a step. “This doesn't change anything, Kaneki. I told you before, none of this changes anything. Okay?”

Kaneki nodded.

Hide's expression softened and he lifted the first aid kit. “I'm gonna put this up and go to bed. You coming?”

Kaneki shook his head. “No, I think I should... go clear my head a bit. Get some air.”

“Sounds good. Good night, Kaneki.”

“Night, Hide.”

\--------------

Hide's shoulder healed in a few days, leaving a few pink scars in his skin. Being an active person, Hide's skin wasn't completely smooth and unmarked, but seeing those scars sent a shock of guilt through Kaneki's body whenever he saw them. Further amorous activity wasn't similarly interrupted. If anything, Kaneki became agonizingly gentle, ghosting his fingers over Hide's skin with the barest of touches, never raising his voice to more than a whisper. He also went out more, staying out til deep into the night after Hide fell asleep while waiting for him on the couch, the TV playing some infomercial or sketchy documentary.

This time, Hide was determined to stay up til Kaneki got his ass home, even if it took all night. He downed several cups of coffee, black, just to see what it was that Kaneki tasted in it. But it was too bitter, so he sulked with a cushion in his lap, barely paying attention to the rom-com/murder mystery playing on the TV.

“Idiot, it's obviously the rich guy,” he muttered. “That's why you don't go chasing after the first hot guy you see.”

The credits had faded to the stinger, which showed the murdered butler on a vacation with his wife after collecting the insurance money from his faked death, when Hide started to slip into sleep. He heard the door open but wasn't awake enough to remember why that was important. He heard someone sigh out a laugh and pull the cushion from his grip. He let it go with no resistance. The same someone moved him so he was lying down and pulled a blanket over his body after turning off the TV.

“You're going to get sick,” he heard Kaneki whisper.

Hide felt Kaneki brush the hair from his face and kiss him gently on the forehead.

“Kaneki--” Without really thinking about it, Hide reached out and grabbed his sleeve. He awoke abruptly, remembering every damn thing he wanted to say, but settled for opening his eyes and staring hard into Kaneki's surprised face.

Lately, he was looking less and less like the Kaneki he knew, but when he was relaxed and off his guard, Hide could just make out the traces of that kind, shy, naive bookworm he'd met as a kid.

“You're awake.”

Hide glanced over Kaneki's shoulder at the clock hanging on the wall. It was four thirty-six in the morning. “You were out late.”

“Yeah...” Kaneki looked away and rubbed his cheek with his left hand.

Hide gripped his shirt harder. “You've been out late a lot lately.” He tried to take some of the steel out of his voice. He wasn't sure if it worked. “I was worried.” He must be groggy.

“Sorry, Hide.” Kaneki wouldn't look at him. Hide felt his heart jump into his throat.

“What were you doing?”

“Just... out on a walk.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“ _Kaneki_.”

He finally turned his eyes to Hide. “Yeah?”

“Have you been eating?”

Kaneki's expression went blank. “What?”

  
“Is that what you've been doing out? Eating?” Hide put a slight emphasis on the word.

“What? No-- I wouldn't-- How could you--”

“I thought ghouls only needed to eat one every month or so. You're gonna have the CCG after you.” Hide moved his grip from Kaneki's sleeve to his arm and pulled him closer, sitting up. “Kaneki, you gotta be careful.”

Kaneki's expression softened and he offered a small smile. “No, it's nothing like that.” And anyway, they were after him on principle.

“So are you eating at all? How are you alive?”

“The coffee...”

“You can subsist on coffee? Then why--”

“Not the coffee itself.” Kaneki put a hand on Hide's shoulder and used the other to loosen his grip on his arm. “Let me explain?”

Hide nodded and Kaneki took a seat on the couch next to him.

“I have these sugar cubes, those brown ones, that, uh... anyway, it's sort of gross, but I can go a pretty long time on them.” Kaneki spoke haltingly. Hide didn't rush him and only listened intently. “So aside from that I haven't had any... human meat. But I have been, uh... eating.”

“What?” Hide said when he didn't continue.

Kaneki cleared his throat. “Other ghouls,” he said quietly. “It makes the kagune, those tentacle blade things, it makes them stronger... though it tastes pretty gross...” He looked away as he said it, shoulders hunched. “I mean, it's gross anyway, so I understand if you...”

“Kaneki.”

He flinched.

“Kaneki, look at me.”

He did, looking much like a child. Hide reached out and cupped his cheek with a hand. He lifted Kaneki's face so his eyes were level with his. Kaneki's eyes were gleaming, but no tears fell. His lower lip trembled almost imperceptibly.

“I've said this before, and I'll say it again, since it seems even you can be dense sometimes.” Hide hated that his voice shook just slightly. He sighed and leaned his forehead against Kaneki's. “This, you being a ghoul, and everything that entails, it doesn't change anything. Not what I feel or think, so you don't have to feel bad for my sake.” He brushed aside a tear that started to fall from Kaneki's left eye with his thumb and kissed his forehead. “I'm sorry I didn't make you feel comfortable enough to tell me this sooner. I'm sorry you've had to go through all that. I wish I could make it better. I'll do whatever you need me to.”

Kaneki reached up and held onto Hide by the shoulders. His own shoulders shook, but he kept from crying. “You're more than I deserve,” he whispered.

“You are not the one who gets to decide that.” Hide pulled away slightly to poke Kaneki's cheek with a finger. “Stupid.”

Kaneki made a noise between a laugh and a sob. Hide pulled him closer and stroked his hair. He was certain something had happened to make it turn white, but he decided not to prod. Kaneki was finally willing to say anything about his life as a ghoul, and that was enough. He rubbed Kaneki's back until the shaking stopped. They sat like that for several minutes, Kaneki with his face against Hide's neck, his hands clutching Hide's shoulders like he was about to split apart. Hide returned the grip, but with only half the strength.

“Hey, Kaneki... How long has it been since you've eaten?”

Kaneki drew away from him. “I don't know. Months?”

“Are you hungry?”

He gave a bitter laugh. “Almost constantly. But I can ignore it.”

“If there comes a time when you get so hungry you think you're gonna go crazy, rather than attacking another person or, or another ghoul, you can--”

Kaneki drew in a sharp breath and backed away from him. “Hide. I can't.”

“I get that you're part of a violent world or whatever, but if people are going to get hurt, I'd like to get a say in who it is. If I can prevent someone else dying...”

Kaneki's fingers dug into his shoulder so hard he could feel his nails through his shirt. “I can't. I already tried to eat you once, when Nishiki attacked you on the way to his place. I couldn't control myself. Touka had to knock me out and drag me to Anteiku to stop me. I can't... do that again.”

“It's not like I'm telling you to take me now or something like that...”

“It'll make it that much harder not to...” Kaneki rose. “I'm going out.”

“Kaneki! You can't just--”

  
“I just need to cool my head.” Kaneki grabbed his coat from its hook by the door. “I'll be back soon.”

“Kaneki!” The door slammed, making Hide wince. It was just starting to become light outside. He lay back on the couch, cursing, but he'd have no time to sleep. He had to get to work in a few hours. He grabbed one of the couch cushions and slammed it on the floor, banging the side of his hand on the coffee table. Hide cursed again and got to his feet. He shuffled to the bedroom to get changed. Better to go to work and keep busy than sulk around all day.

 

Hide left work early, giving the excuse that he was sick-- and in a lot of ways, he was, especially in the head-- and swung by the bookstore on the way home. He found a few books on ghoul eating habits but found precious little on cannibalism. Nothing specific, in any case. Most of the books only went so far as to say, “The most unstable of ghouls often engage in cannibalism in their turf wars. As ghouls primarily feed on human flesh, and prefer it to other meats, this happens only rarely. The long term effects of cannibalism in ghouls has not been widely researched and so there is only speculation on what they are.” The CCG investigators had mentioned some things about cannibalism, but nothing specific or significant. Must mean it's something important and they don't want it to be public knowledge. Figures.

He shoved the last book back into its spot on the bookshelf with a sigh. He'd probably have to access specialized archives to find any real information, and it was unlikely they'd give it to a CCG intern. With a shrug, he went to the New Releases section, though he'd never be much of a reader, except for specific things that caught his interest. Like ghoul on ghoul cannibalism.

Just his luck, Takatsuki Sen had come out with a new novel. It had some pretentious title he couldn't comprehend, so Hide just read over the blurb on the back with a goofy smile. Never mind him, Kaneki read the weirdest shit. But it'd probably do him good to think about something besides ghouls and turf wars and eating people, so Hide bought the book and told the cashier to keep the change.

Hide got home fifteen minutes later to find the door was unlocked. His breath caught in his throat. _Kaneki_...

He was on the floor where the carpet of the living room gave way to the kitchen's tiled floor. His clothes were torn and bloody and he had several bruises on his arms and face. A mug lay on the floor a few inches from his hand. He was awake, but his unsteady breathing made Hide think he was about to pass out.

“Kaneki!” Hide ran to him, dropping the book. He patted Kaneki's face and arms, and pushed up his button-up shirt. It looked like nothing was broken, but there was a deep stab wound in his side. Blood had crusted over it, but there was plenty of it on the kitchen floor. “Kaneki! What happened?! We need to call an ambulance-- or no, that won't, fuck, Kaneki!”

“Hide... be quiet for a second.” Kaneki grabbed onto Hide's arm and hauled himself up til he was sitting. He winced and brought a hand to his wound. His left eye was black and red-- the kakugan, or whatever he'd called it. “I'm fine, just... coffee...”

“You're bleeding out on the kitchen floor and you want coffee?!” Hide's voice was shrill and his vision was starting to go blurry.

“Fuck... Hide, it's not that serious. My kagune specializes in regeneration so I'll be fine. Just... find those sugar cubes, in the cabinet. It should be by the coffee beans, in a white bag.”

Hide stood and nearly tripped in his hurry to get to the cabinet. He found the white bag with the Anteiku logo immediately. He poured some water and coffee grounds into the coffee machine and hurried to move Kaneki to the couch. He couldn't carry him, with all the muscle he'd packed recently, so Kaneki had to lean on him as he hobbled into the living room. He took the first aid kit from the table as Hide wet a rag.

“You're covered in blood. What happened?”

Kaneki laughed bitterly. “Most of it's not mine. I got in a scuffle with a ghoul. I took care of it, I'm fine. I was just... distracted, I guess.” His voice was shaky with what was probably adrenaline and his left eye still shone red with its kakugan.

Hide began wiping at the blood around the wound in Kaneki's side. Kaneki hissed at the pain, his eyelids fluttering as if he would pass out.

“Ack! That hurts.”

“I need to be able to see it properly.”

“It'll close by itself. I'm fine.” Kaneki took the rag from Hide and pushed him away less than gently. In the kitchen, the dripping from the coffee machine came to a stop. “Could you get the coffee?”

Hide frowned but did as he was asked. He stirred in two of the weird-smelling cubes, as he'd seen Kaneki do several times. Kaneki was still breathing heavily on the couch, gripping the arm so hard his knuckles were white. Already the wound seemed less severe than before.

“Whoa...”

“Hide.” Kaneki shot him a hard stare and Hide flinched. He couldn't get used to that eye. He set the coffee down onto the table.

“I'll be in the bedroom. Call me if you need anything.” Without waiting for an answer, Hide packed away the first aid kit before retreating to the bedroom.

\-------------

Kaneki leaned back against the couch with a sigh. The coffee, and the sugar cubes, were doing their job, but it was a fairly deep wound. Usually he'd never be caught at a disadvantage by some small fry ghoul, but with what Hide had said to him that morning, he hadn't been much better than when he first starting training with Yomo. He didn't relax until the heard the bedroom door close.

The voices in his head started to quiet as the door finally separated him from Hide. That was close. He didn't know how much longer he could've stayed put. All he'd wanted was to jump on him and tear the flesh from his throat, to--

No.

Kaneki bit his lip and shook his head. He was still undecided on eating humans, but Hide was the one person he could not eat.

Ah, this was all his fault, saying something stupid like that... Maybe he should just go and take a bite out of--

Kaneki shoved a fist into his mouth and bit down hard until he could taste blood. It was just the pain and stress from being injured. He just needed to give it time. He lay back, too tired to take care of the marks on his hand, and drifted into fitful sleep.

\-----------

Hide remembered the book a few hours after banishing himself to the bedroom. And now he felt too scared to go back out into the living room to tell Kaneki about it. He lay on the bed with his laptop on his belly, scrolling through about a dozen video and blogging sites to distract himself. None of them worked. He started to wonder if this whole relationship-- or whatever it was-- with Kaneki had been doomed from the beginning. By all accounts he should have died when those beams fell on him and his date. It was only a stroke of dumb luck that the surgeon who'd gotten to him had been the sort to decide to use the girl's organs to revive him. And just a stroke of dumb luck that the girl had been ghoul with super regenerative powers, which were probably what let Kaneki survive the surgery in the first place. He couldn't be sure about himself, but Kaneki was definitely a different person now. That quiet, fumbling kid was all but gone.

The sound of the door opening pulled him out of his sad little reverie. Kaneki had discarded his dirty clothes and cleaned up the rest of the blood on his body. The wound in his side had become a red, slightly puffy scab that was starting to scar. He held up the book Hide had bought him in one hand.

“Hide.”

“Hey,” Hide said glumly. “Forgot all about that.”

“Thanks, Hide. I completely forgot he was coming out with a new book today.” For a few instants that bookworm was back again, but with white hair and rock hard abs.

“I thought it'd cheer you up...”

“It did. Thanks. Really.”

Hide smiled at him faintly as he settled onto the bed. Kaneki snuggled into the pillows a bit before opening the book. He started reading the acknowledgments as Hide put his laptop away and scooted to press into Kaneki's side, placing his chin on the other's shoulder. Sometimes they'd read books like this, Kaneki propping the book up on his chest with Hide pressed against his arm. Hide would lie next to him with his chin on Kaneki's shoulder, trying to read along at first, but Kaneki's faster reading speed and the difficultly of the material would always force Hide to give up and just watch Kaneki read, the way his fingers delicately handled the pages with each turn, how his eyes would zip back and forth along the page faster than Hide thought possible. Eventually he'd fall asleep and wake up to see Kaneki staring at with hooded eyes and a slight smile.

This time, Kaneki waited patiently for Hide to catch up to him. Hide would nod or tap his shoulder to signal him to turn the page. After a while, Hide settled on pressing kisses onto Kaneki's neck. Kaneki would lean into them just slightly, though his focus was on the book. Hide stopped kissing him at some point, but Kaneki didn't notice. Feeling a bit petulant, Hide licked a broad stripe along Kaneki's neck and blew on it softly, making him shudder. Feeling an impish smile on his lips, he started kissing Kaneki again, pulling his face around so he could kiss the corner of his mouth and jaw.

“Hide--”

“Something wrong? Does it still hurt?” Hide pulled away quickly.

“No, it's not that.” Kaneki took a bookmark from the bedside table and slipped it between the pages of his book before placing it on the table. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Why wouldn't I be?”

“Ah... I was just worried about you.” Kaneki shivered as Hide started to kiss his neck again. “There was a lot of blood... It must've been scary.”

“As long as you're all right, I don't care.” Hide reached over to lace his fingers in Kaneki's hair and pulled his mouth to his. He pulled Kaneki on top of him and wrapped his arms around his neck.

Kaneki was just able to catch himself with a hand. Putting his weight on one elbow, he reached under Hide's shirt with his other hand and started to lift it up. He could feel Hide grinning against his mouth.

Kaneki pulled his lips away from Hide's to catch his breath. The tops of Hide's cheeks were flushed and his pupils dilated. He gave him a questioning look.

“What are you waiting for?”

Kaneki leaned down and softly pressed his lips on the underside of Hide's jaw, feeling his pulse there. He kissed and licked Hide's jaw and neck, his breathing ragged, occasionally pulling him into a deep kiss while he ran his fingers through Hide's hair. Maybe this was enough, tasting his skin and the inside of his mouth. Just small touches and nips so no one would be hurt in the long run, except for maybe something dark and yearning inside of him that shouldn't be there in the first place. “Hide.” Kaneki whispered his name like he was the only thing he could put words to. In that instant, it could be that he was. He shifted to pull Hide out of his shirt and hissed in pain.

Hide hurriedly sat up and let Kaneki lean against him. “Kaneki?”

“Its just-- ah-- still hurts a bit...” Kaneki put a hand to the scar and cursed.

“Were the sugar cube things not enough?” Hide took Kaneki's face in his hand and looked from his face to his scar. His kakugan was showing, his gaze racing from place to place on Hide's skin.

“It was pretty deep... Sorry, I think I should...”

“No, Kaneki.” Hide gripped his arm and held him steady. “Don't push yourself; you'll make it worse.” He paused. “Is there anything that can make it heal faster?”

“If I eat,” Kaneki muttered without thinking. He froze and looked over at Hide, his eyes wide. “No, I didn't mean-- Hide, I can't.”

“You don't have to eat all of me, do you? Would just a bit help?”

Kaneki put his hands on Hide's shoulders, though whether to push him away or to keep himself away he wasn't sure. “Probably-- but I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself. I don't--”

“Kaneki, I'm certain that wound is worse than you're letting on. I want to do something.” Hide brought up his hands as if to grab Kaneki by the collar but settled his fingers on Kaneki's bare collarbones. “If you're in another fight, I don't want you to be disadvantaged because of a wound.”

“I'll just lay low for a while. It's not so easy to--”

“That kakugan means you're hungry, doesn't it? You should hurry, before you completely lose control. Or is it impossible to stop short of killing me?”

Kaneki glanced away from Hide. “Well, I've seen a case where a ghoul loved a human enough to not kill her after trying to feed on her...”

“Well?” Hide reached up to cup Kaneki's face in his hands. “And, for the record, if I had to go out that way, I'd want it to be you.”

Kaneki swallowed and nodded, kissing both of Hide's hands as he lowered them from his face. He leaned forward until his lips were almost on Hide's shoulders. He struggled to control himself as he opened his mouth, practically salivating. He felt Hide's hands on his shoulders, gripping him tightly. It took a moment for him to realize he was pushing him away. He was also trembling. Kaneki could overpower him easily but instead he took a breath and stopped.

“Hide, I can't.”

“Kaneki”

“When you struggle,” Kaneki said, his voice rough as he pushed Hide away again, “it just makes you seem more like prey.” Kaneki straightened and stood up from the bed. “Sorry, but I think I should stay away from you for tonight. I should be fine by tomorrow.”

Hide nodded as Kaneki picked up his book and went to the living room. He sighed, falling back onto the bed. He couldn't stop shaking. He covered his face with his hands and choked back a sob.

\---------

Kaneki found himself reading the same sentence for the fifth time, still unable to retain it. He couldn't focus. He shoved his bookmark back between the pages and dropped the book onto the coffee table. The wound in his side throbbed, and he poked at it with a finger. It made him wince, but at least it distracted him from his thoughts.

There's no way he'd be able to hold onto Hide now. He wanted to cry or scream, or maybe vomit. Mostly he wanted to eat. Kaneki growled and downed the coffee he'd made in a failed attempt to calm himself. It scalded his tongue, giving him another welcome distraction. He heard Hide open the bedroom door and hurriedly picked up his book. Unable to think of anything better to do, he plopped it open onto his face and pretended to be asleep. He heard the tap running, and the sound of Hide brushing his teeth. The sound of him spitting, and then the tap again. Then Hide's footsteps coming closer.

“What an idiot,” Hide said. He gently lifted the book from Kaneki's face and placed it on the table. In the back of his mind, Kaneki hoped he'd replaced the bookmark. Kaneki felt his head being lifted and a pillow placed beneath it. Then Hide put a blanket over him and kissed his cheek. “I don't know if you're awake,” Hide whispered into his ear. Kaneki nearly jumped out of his skin. Of course Hide knew he was faking. “But this doesn't change anything. I'll hold onto you if it kills me. Good night.”

He withdrew into the bedroom and Kaneki could only hope Hide hadn't seen the tears running down his face.

\----------

Hide woke up with a jolt. The room was empty and so dark he could barely make out the walls. The clock on the bedside table told him it was just past 3 am. He wasn't sure he could go back to sleep. With a sigh, he pulled down his shirt over his stomach and sat up, holding back a yawn. He could see through the barely open door that Kaneki had the TV on. He padded to the living room as silently as he could.

Kaneki was sitting in the middle of the couch, wrapped in a blanket. His book sat closed on the coffee table. The TV was showing an infomercial for some sort of weight loss program. Hide was just slightly unnerved at the way Kaneki was staring a the models on the screen.

“Kaneki?”

Kaneki turned to face him before he even got the first syllable out. “Hide? You sleep okay?”

Hide nodded. “Yeah. You?”

He shook his head. “Not really. Want to sit?”

Hide walked to the couch and sat next to him, leaning against him through the blanket. Kaneki smelled like sweat. “How do you feel?”

“It's pretty much gone.” Kaneki lifted the blanket with this right hand, revealing the scar, pale against his skin. “Sorry about before.”

Hide shook his head. “It was my fault. Got ahead of myself.”

“I'm glad I have you,” Kaneki said quietly.

“So am I,” Hide said.

“I won't touch you again, so you don't have to worry about me.”

Hide recoiled, his breath catching in his throat. He felt something in his guts plummet. “What?”

“I don't want to put you through that again. So I won't. I'm sorry, Hide.”

“Put me through what? It's not your fault, Kaneki.” Hide reached for Kaneki's hand under the blanket. Kaneki tensed up but let him hold it. “I shouldn't have said anything. I wasn't thinking of what you were going through. I'm sorry.”

Tentatively, Kaneki rested his head on top of Hide's.

“I shouldn't be making you afraid to be around me. If I don't want to be seen as prey, I'm going to have to get used to it.” Hide lifted Kaneki's hand to his lips and kissed it.

Kaneki drew away so he could look at Hide properly. “Get used to what?”

“This won't be the last time you get hurt, and it might even be worse next time. I can't just sit around with my hands over my ears.” Hide pressed the back of his hand to Kaneki's lips. “I want to be of use to you... Even if it's only like this.”

Kaneki unlaced his fingers from Hide's and took his hand by the wrist. He kissed the back of his wrist and gently sucked the skin there. He could already feel the hunger welling up inside of him but fought it down. He could feel Hide trembling slightly and paused.

“Go on,” Hide whispered.

Kaneki moved slowly up his arm, gently biting the skin here and there. He turned Hide's arm to lick at the soft skin of the underside, slowly sinking his teeth in a couple of inches before the elbow. He heard Hide's breath hitch as he broke the skin and felt warm blood rush into his mouth. For an instant he thought he was going to lose himself but he heard Hide let out a whimper and forced himself to calm down. Tasting Hide's flesh, under the skin, was better than he'd imagined. He almost wanted to weep. He dislodged his teeth, careful not to tear off too large a piece of flesh, before continuing to lap at the blood. A part of him wondered by he waited so long to taste human flesh, to fully accept that part of him and partake of his only real food source. He'd already resorted to cannibalism. Compared to that, this-- this was _right_. He felt as if he were coming home and discovering a new planet all at once.

“Kaneki...”

He felt Hide lay his head on his shoulder. Eyes wide, he pulled away from Hide's arm. He looked pale.

“Hide! I--”

“Shh. It's okay.” Hide stroked his hair with his free hand. “You didn't take that much. Just... nervous, is all.” He flexed his fingers. “It all still works. We should get this cleaned up.”

Kaneki stood and got a cloth from the kitchen, along with a glass of water. He had Hide hold the cloth against his injured arm and whispered apologies as he fumbled with the first aid kit. They got the bleeding stopped and the wound wrapped up. It wasn't until Hide had downed all the water and started to regain some color that Kaneki felt his heart rate slow. Hide patted him on the cheek playfully.

“There. Not so scary, huh?”

“I was terrified.” Kaneki had his arms around Hide with a tight grip. Hide had to fight a bit to get enough oxygen, but he didn't mind.

“How do you feel? Better?”

Kaneki nodded. He was shaking, but he couldn't tell if it was from fear or disgust or ecstasy. Mostly, he felt relieved. He couldn't pin down why, but said, “Yeah... Yeah, Hide, I do.”

Hide awkwardly reached around to pat Kaneki on the back. “You'll be the end of me,” he said with a laugh.

 

**Author's Note:**

> In case you hadn't noticed, the title's a reference to Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down, which I listened to on repeat for the day it took to write this. This is also the first fanwork I finished that wasn't a drabble or poem. It was more and less difficult than I anticipated.


End file.
